Seasons in the Sun

When we look at social media today, everything is about the happy and perfect life, isn’t it? About Holidays, weddings and babies. We aren’t used to people actually displaying their real life, their real struggles. Today I’ve decided to share some real thoughts about my own life. #NotAshamed

 

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong to your generation? Like you take things very seriously as compared to others? Like everything around you is moving at lightning speed? Like The music we have today is rubbish? Like Relationships & equations today are really a joke? I always felt I was a little too mature amongst my peers. I don’t have a dramatic story and it has got nothing to do with a rough and difficult childhood, or some traumatic event I went through or anything like that. That’s just the way I’ve been. As a child I didn’t enjoy watching cartoons, I still don’t know anything else besides the names of Tom and Jerry, Scooby doo, Aladdin, Jasmine, Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. Don’t even get me started on Harry Potter/ Twilight or the recent Game of Thrones. I never gave into or for that matter even found double meaning jokes funny where people around me laughed their butts off. I always calculated my thoughts, always kept my head on my shoulders and thought I had everything planned out for myself. In fact I even planned at what age I would let myself actually consider a relationship. I had decided that at the age of 28 I’d settle down. I didn’t enjoy the clubbing scene as much as people my age did, honestly I still don’t. I enjoyed English classic music thanks to my parents who introduced me to that genre of music since I was a kid, I enjoyed going to dances where people waltzed and jived the evening away. When it came to romance, I actually enjoyed the attention while being wooed, while being flirted with, rather than putting myself out there directly. Not that I expect it, but even today I find chivalry very impressive.

I wonder if there are people out there who feel the same way. I may have joked about it many a times about how I actually belong to the generation before mine, but I honestly feel like that. I don’t give into latest trends easily whether it was the blackberry phase or now the Iphone phase, Hotstar or Netflix. I know as I’m writing this that I may be judged and will probably be considered the mood dampener among the young and lively ones. Boring too maybe. Not that it makes a difference anyway.

The reason I’m putting this down is not because I want to show or prove something. Not like these are my life’s success theories that have made life special. Today I’m a 28 year old woman, who’s life is far from sorted. Even far from married. Thanks to the personality I have, I struggle a lot more with this fast paced world. Words affect me. Things that people say casually, get imprinted on my mind & memory for the longest time. I easily believe when someone looks me in the eye and says something. I do go on face value. I do not go about befriending every second person for any benefit, but once I do have a connection or a bond with a person, I value it for life! This brings me to discussing things I absolutely fail to understand, like “How do people suddenly cut off from those that mattered to them all along?” , “How do people let go off all the good times, memories, all the love and friendship they shared, and actually treat the other as though dead or as a stranger in life?”, Even lyrics like “Now you’re just somebody that I used to know” astounds me! I can’t seem to fathom how it’s done like a breeze for some.

This week 2-3 people at work pointed out to me that I always have a smile each time they see me, like everything is great. It’s ironic actually as this week has been one of my worst weeks in the recent past. Overall the last one year has been the most exhausting year for me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It’s taught me a lot about myself, about how stubborn I am, how stupid I am, about my strengths & weaknesses, about how much I can and will do for my people if I put my heart to it etc. I know one should never say never but I’ve have actually sworn against a number of things for my own good too, even if that rips my heart apart.

This particular post as well as some of my recent insta posts may appear as though I’m depressed. I’m unsure about “depressed” but it’s true that I’ve been in a very pensive mood for the longest time I’ve known. I’ll try to come up with more vibrant and happy posts next, I assure you. Be patient. If you’re still reading this, I really wish you well. Life is no cake walk I know, I’m certain you have own challenges too, I just hope you choose your battles well and fight them even better.

Until next time,

Yours truly,

The Silent Hummer
Franchua D’Souza