Killing me softly

Hi all,

Hoping you’re well wherever you are!

I’d like to believe I’m a very private person, with only a certain few having access to me & my thoughts. Of course, in goodness, others try to break through the high walls I’ve created around me, but I’m a tough cookie. Off late, I may have cut off from people even more. Sure I’m aware that speaking, opening up to people helps make one feel lighter, but I feel it’s temporary. Cuz honestly, others may listen, offer advice, but no one can really do anything more than that. What’s the point then?! I’d rather keep it all to myself, if I’m the only one who can do something about it, right?

Insomnia must be what it is I’m going through, but I’m no therapist. I was beginning to get used to it, having difficulty falling asleep at night, the overthinking doesn’t help either, but I was beginning to accept and deal with it. However now there’s this new pattern! I could be deep in slumber but a random thought, sound, imagination or memory is enough to break this sleep! I’m not talking about dreams (or nightmares). And this tends to happen early morning, a little before sunrise. Worse when it is accompanied by this slow but steadily arriving headache. It’s even more frustrating as you’re up and awake, your mind’s happily building on those unnecessary thoughts, and you’re consciously forcing yourself to stop thinking & fall asleep cuz you’ve got to get to work in literally a couple of hours! Anxiety could be the cause of it, I don’t know. But tossing and turning every night (and now mornings too) with this extremely uncomfortable feeling in your body, blood is unexplainably painful.

I don’t know why I’ve written this, maybe this is a terrible post, maybe it’s different from my regular writing, I honestly don’t know. But maybe this is my way of opening up, not to a particular friend, or to a particular family member. Maybe this is my way of expressing it and releasing it, maybe this will help feel lighter and maybe with this, sleeping peacefully may actually be a reality.

Here’s to me opening up to my own issues. Here’s to me accepting my flaws & imperfection. I’ve never tried to impress anyway, and with this I’m all the more re-emphasizing that I’ll deal with whatever it is myself, my way.

If you’ve actually read through, thank you!

Stay happy, healthy & blessed wherever you are.

Lots of love,

The Silent Hummer

Franchua D’Souza

Send me the pillow

I’m unsure if you may agree with me here, but when on a flight, it’s much better to be fast asleep. That way you don’t miss out on your rest hours, plus you feel fresh to go through the day post landing. Of course, I’m talking about those 3+ hours of flying.
Usually, in my case, as soon as the flight takes off and the excitement is done with, my head drops down and my eyes get droopy, in no time I’m fast asleep. This is applicable to a 40 min flight too. My flight routine goes something like this : get seated, wait for take-off, fall asleep, wake up for whatever snack/ meal, fall asleep back (it’s like magic), and wake up just before landing. Perfect.

This time while flying to #HongKong my eyes behaved in a complete different fashion. They just refused to stay shut! This was even more strange considering I had a freaking tiring day at work and got onto this flight at about 1am! It also didn’t help that the seat was really narrow and the tray table was really really small!

The flight from Mumbai to HongKong was about 6 hours or so, and I had no intention of staying up all night through this one. Also, if you read my previous post, you’d know that from the airport I was to head directly to #ngongping360 and was to spend my entire day there. Just couldn’t afford to be sleepy on Day 1 in HongKong, now could I? Honestly as a traveller, I’m 100% against wasting any of my International time. After all of my previous trips Abroad, I assure you my day starts at 7:30am and ends only in the wee hours of the next day. There’s only exploring and so much more exploring to do.

So here I was, wide awake like an owl. The things I did to fall asleep are daft (think Mr Bean). I tried counting sheep, I tried watching some absolutely sad stuff on the screen in front of me, I tried counting the number of people I could see awake, I reclined the seat back and forth, I even called for another blanket to keep me warm and cozy. Somewhere in the midst of all this I reminisced my Singapore trip and wondered if this one would be anything like it. Then I thought of sleeping masks too, but wasn’t ready to ruin my pretty eye shadow like that. I have the super power of ruining things / lives, trust me.

Finally the universe heard me. The angelic air hostess came around serving beverages. 3 glasses of red wine did the trick! One-after-the-other straight! I didn’t even realise when I was in deep slumber. Directly woke up to the Pilot’s announcement just before landing.

What are your flight experiences like? Do you prefer catching up on your sleep too? Or read? Or watch a movie? Or make conversation with that stranger seated next to you? Tell me all of those things you think of while on a flight. I’m really keen to know.

I’ll post more about my trip in the coming weeks. In the meantime, you may find and follow me on Instagram.

See you around.

Warm regards,
The Silent Hummer
Franchua D’Souza